This is the beginning of something. I'm not sure if that something is good or bad, but time will tell. This entire blog is just going to be a journal of mine, but public to the world. I'm just going to write anything and everything I feel like. Ranting and venting to a blank word document. I'm not going to structure or restrict this blog in anyway. I just hope this will benefit at least one person out there, even if that one person is me.
So I titled this "Judge Me Journal." I did this for a number a reasons.
The first is kind of a personal joke. I find it almost pathetic how reserved people are. I take pride in being completely transparent in everything. I say and do exactly as I see fit. I will always answer any question with complete honesty. I live my life how I see best fit while trying to not let my decisions be affected by the opinions of others.
The second reason is I want people to understand that I'm doing this with the expectation of being judged and torn apart by nearly everyone that reads this. I'm not bothered by what people think. If someone wants to read my blog just to judge me, make fun of me, or make themselves feel better, then by all means indulge. Whatever helps you sleep at night.
I'm not sure if there is a concrete third reason to elaborate on. It's a lot of little reasons thrown into one, so I'm not going to waste my time trying to write them down.
I'm doing this for a various reasons.
The first is reflection. When I have a lot of thoughts and feelings, I usually take to twitter. Yes, my thoughts for the most part get recorded, but they just get thrown into the archive with the other +30k tweets. I never get the chance to really look back on anything I wrote down. Plus, the 140 characters thing really limits what I can do with it. I can't really elaborate on anything when it comes to twitter. I feel like every tweet should be able to stand alone, subsequently, a series of tweets ranting about one thing isn't something I want to have on my profile. But I digress. This will allow me to fully elaborate and record each and every thought. Writing thoughts down, and especially reading them at a later time from a stranger's perspective, gives you a better understanding of them. You understand everything so much better when you aren't overwhelmed by your emotions or blinded by the heat of the moment.
The second reason is connecting with others. I feel like this could be a great thing for someone I don't even know. Maybe it will help someone understand their situation better, and even guide them to the path for handling it. Or maybe this will make some one's day better because they can read about how my life is worse than theirs. Or maybe it will inspire someone. Or maybe it will just let someone know that they aren't the only one going through rough times. Or maybe it won't do anything. But it's worth a shot.
The third reason is probably just to have an outlet. It's refreshing to vent. Just the act of writing down my thoughts makes me feel better. It helps me calm down and ground myself. Absolutely nothing good comes from acting while under the influence of emotions. This will help me keep a level head. If you don't find an outlet to express yourself on a regular basis, the bottled up thoughts and emotions will build up until something sets you off. When that happens, everything comes pouring out. I've had enough breakdowns. I'd like to keep the number of future breakdowns as low as possible. This isn't my only outlet. Working out, sleeping, and eating are all great outlets for me. Working out until you're too exhausted for feelings is a good way to deal with life. Sleeping and eating usually go together for me. I always feel better after I eat as much as I can and pass out for an extended period of time. When I wake up, I just feel refreshed. It's like I reset everything and I can start again with a blank canvas. Even though both of those outlets work great for me, I still need something for my thoughts. There's something about expressing my thoughts into words that I need. I can't really ever be finished with a thought or idea until I write it down or say it.
I haven't decided if I'm going to add a summary section to every post or not. I feel like it would make for a better blog, but I'm not really trying to please anyone. I think this might just be my OCD kicking in. I'd hate to have an entire post end with a supporting detail. I like to have everything end with, well, an ending. Just something to wrap it all together so it doesn't feel incomplete and unfinished. So here it is. The first entry of the Judge Me Journal. I hope you enjoyed it.
I'd love to hear from anyone who read this far. Feel free to contact me with any questions and/or feedback of any kind. I'm easy to reach.
Twitter: https://twitter.com/ASIAN_SENSATl0N
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Email: dwilsonwest@gmail.com
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